Sometimes we can’t help but to treat our beloved equine partners as if they were our very own children. So badly we want to pour on the cuddles and drench our horses in attention and praise. As horse owners we try so very hard to make our horses happy. We give them treats, dress them up, and constantly tell them what a good boy or girl they are. Then we give them more treats. And we groom them for hours on end and bathe them in only the best aromas with the most natural ingredients. Then again, we give them more treats!
The list goes on and on. We really do try to do everything we can to make our horses happy.
But does any of this stuff really even matter the most? Does your horse end up loving you more because you give him his favorite treats and keep him squeaky clean? Does your horse truly feel that you love him after the countless hours you spend tending to his every whim?
I hate to be the one to tell you, but the answer is NO!
Now, before everyone’s feathers get ruffled, I think it’s safe to say that horses do really like and appreciate all the things we do. Sure, they absolutely go gaga over being pampered and well cared for. But these things are not ultimately what they truly need in life. None of these things are what they seek out in order to feel secure and content.
Horses Are Not Humans
We as humans feel and experience things in life much different than most animals. We use a lot of touch, affection, words of affirmation, and all kinds of different actions to show love and feel love in return. There is a high priority placed on emotions.
Horses are just a little different. We have to remember that they are herd animals, and most of what we can learn about them can be observed by what happens in the herd. The most important things to a horse are probably food, shelter and safety. A horse’s natural way of life does not include humans at all. We have taken them from their natural state and made them our companions. So we need to understand what their life would be without us, because most of that is ingrained in their behavior.
We tend to “humanize” our horses, and that’s completely ok! But, we just need to think about the things that are really the most important to the horse. It has been noted that horses can in fact read our human emotions, but the emotional aspect does not necessarily make them feel loved. The term ‘love’ itself is probably not even a concept for the horse.
All of the ‘Love’ is just for Us
Many horse people have talked about having a “heart horse,” the one horse that is their true soul mate. This is a wonderful thing! But it’s highly unlikely that horses are going around in life thinking that they each have their own “heart human.”
Do horses feel like they have a bond with humans? YES!!! Horses and humans really do experience amazing bonds among one another. But that is not the same thing discussed above.
In fact, the bond between a horse and owner most likely has a different meaning for the horse than it does for the owner. A bond is a bond, but how a horse comprehends and translates that bond is going to be different than how an owner does. Now, that doesn’t mean that the bond is any less important or powerful. It’s just different.
So we as humans like to relate using emotions, actions, affirmations, and other humanly concepts. But to the horse, these things could possibly be relayed having a different value to them. Love is highly valuable to us, but to horses, “love” might not really be all that comprehendible.
So What is Considered Highly Valuable to a Horse?
Take a Look into the Herd
Horses are a herd, and prey, animal. This is really important to remember. A lot of what they do throughout the day has to do with the fact that they have innate herd dynamics built into their system. And being a prey animal means that one of the most important things in their life is safety!
All animals, and humans, have basic needs for food and shelter. But the horse, being a prey animal, has the additional burden of worrying about safety. You and I know for sure that there is not going to be a lion lurking around the corner, ready to pounce on your horse. But your horse does not know that!
The concept of being prey is hardwired into your horse’s system, even though he or she is no longer living in the wild. It is part of their natural instincts. So a horse will always look to the herd for answers concerning safety.
If a horse doesn’t live in a pasture with a herd, they still ‘have a herd’ in some way. Whether it’s adjoining paddocks, or nearby stalls, your horse will be in a herd and the herd dynamics will live on! When horses are indoors, there is often an alpha mare, or herd leader, who will stay awake and watch over the barn aisle while the others sleep. You cannot escape the dynamics at play.
You and Your Horse – A Herd of Two
When you and your horse are together, you are also a herd! Whether you like it or not, you are part of a herd, and what role you decide to take in the herd will have a HUGE impact on your relationship with your horse!
You can be the herd leader or you can let the horse be the leader. It’s your choice, but it is highly important to your horse that you be the leader!
The only way to your horse’s heart, to fulfill their most vital needs, and to be the one thing for them that it the most important thing to them, is to be their leader.
In the herd, horses are constantly seeking their place. They need to know where they stand in the pecking order. Once that order is established, they will always look to the leader for most things. If you watch a herd, you will see that when one horse runs, they all run. The first horse that ran was the herd leader. And when the leader rests, they all rest.
A horse seeks leadership. When a horse has a defined leader, he doesn’t need to worry. He can graze happily because he knows that the leader is standing guard. It is a huge burden lifted to know that he is secure. And being a prey animal, security and safety are so important to the horse. Far more important than love.
Love might be the key to your own heart. But for your horse, it’s leadership.
So the real way to your horse’s heart is to be the leader. This is what your horse wants, seeks, and needs. Your horse will see you as his go-to for everything. This is also very important under saddle.
A horse who doesn’t see you as the leader will most likely not be paying attention to you. He will always be on guard, taking the role of the leader upon himself. There’s no leader around to tell him when to run away from a lurking lion. So the horse will always be looking for that lurking lion. Because of this, the horse is not paying attention to the rider, and he will be far more likely to spook. Learn more about how to tell if your horse is not paying attention to you here.
If the horse sees you as the leader, he knows he has no reason to always be on guard because he knows that you are standing guard for him. He will be less likely to spook because he will be paying attention to you. If you are calm, he will be calm.
How to Be a Great Leader
- Be consistent– Establish your rules and boundaries immediately and don’t sway from them. Let there be no blurred lines as far as rules are concerned. Horses crave consistency, as well as well-defined boundaries. But they will also always test their boundaries. Not because they want to see if they can dominate you, but because they want to see if the herd dynamic has changed. They always want to know their place, that’s all. So when they test you, stick with the plan. Stay consistent!
- Be fair – It’s only fair to be fair. Try to set realistic expectations with your horse. Always reward their efforts and discourage the unwanted behavior. Every horse is different so be careful with what you expect.
- Don’t let your horse into your personal space – Very important! This is one of the ways horses establish their pecking order. Once a horse has barged into your bubble, and you back away from his pressure, you have told the horse that you are lower in the pecking order. He will not see you as a leader. You need to be able to keep your bubble of personal space and actually make your horse back away from your pressure. In the herd, the one who can make everybody else’s feet move is the herd leader.
- Move your horse’s feet – Show your horse that you can make his feet move! Practice this on the ground constantly. When you move toward his hip, he should yield it. Same for the shoulders. He should also back up when you step toward him from the front. You need to carry an air of energy that radiates as you approach your horse. Horses are smart and they know whether or not you have what it takes to move their feet. So when you are approaching your horse, trying to move his feet, you need to truly mean it! Any ounce of insecurity will be sensed, and the horse will not move. (More to come in a future post about this.)
- Put a stop to pushiness – Never let your horse walk ahead of you on the lead line. And when you stop, they need to stop as well, with their shoulders side by side with yours. Stop letting your horse barge through the gate or into their stall. Don’t let your horse come at you when you are feeding grain. Don’t let them root the reins out of your hands. If you are going to be the leader, you need to put a stop to all these little things that your horse gets away with. These little things can add up to big problems. So by putting your foot down and establishing new rules, and always being consistent with them, you are climbing higher up in the pecking order.
- Put in the time – Don’t expect to be a good leader if you only spend one day a week with your horse. Just as with any relationship, you need to build it. With time, patience, consistency, boundaries, fairness, and good expectations, you can start to change the dynamic you have with your horse.
The Best of Both Worlds
Being a firm leader with your horse doesn’t mean you have to ditch all the fluff. You can still baby your “baby,” but the key is to not let them walk all over you. Set some rules for your herd of two and stick to them. No leeway is allowed. Every time you give in to a previously established rule, you are lowering yourself in the pecking order. Be consistent. After all, how can a horse be expected to find security in someone who is always changing the boundaries?
Soon enough your horse will see that you are the one setting the rules. You are the one looking out, establishing boundaries, and setting the pace. Your horse will find comfort, security, and peace – one of the top things of importance in their world. And that is why it is the only true way to their heart.
Keep Riding, Keep Refining
The Refined Rider
